Just Like Diamonds
by Wondering Snow
Summary: "It's just in my head, it's just in my head." Lavi said quietly, trying to calm down. Yet the question plagued his mind like a chant being sung over and over. As Bookman's apprentice Lavi has always had nightmares. He doesn't let them get to him very much, but for some reason this one just won't let him be.


A/N: Well, my first fanfic (yay me) and I'm hoping I was able to portray Lavi alright. Please review :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, these characters belong to Katsura Hoshino (when is she going to update…?)

Just like diamonds

It was dark. That was the first thing he noticed.

And then it was red, and it was wrong, wrong, wrong.

And then he heard voices, fluttering about, whispers, words he didn't understand.

"Why are you here?" He swirled around, but was met with darkness.

Faces flashed across his eyes, of old men, young men, women and children.

And then he was falling, down, down, down.

Pictures, people, words and songs flashed by him around, around, around.

"Why are you here?" the voice—no, voices asked him, the words slithering around him like a heavy fog, enveloping him.

_Who are you?_ He asked. Silence answered him.

And then a mighty wave crashed down on him, and he was tumbling, tumbling, tumbling. And fingers grabbed at him, tore at his hair.

And then they became claws and talons with dark eyes that could see into his soul. And he saw. And he cried.

Red ran down his hands, staining them, bleeding down and into the walls.

Colors of every shade flew by, blue becoming red, yellow melting orange.

Puzzles became the walls, and then they were crumbling, piece by piece falling into madness.

"Liar." This time it was just one voice, a young girl who was next to him, yet far away. He tried desperately to see her, but she grew wings and flew away.

_Come back! _He called to her. But his voice was lost in a maze full of twist and turns that simply led nowhere while always closing in on each other.

And then he hit something hard, and it was cold, cold, cold.

The face stared up at him, a face of pain and betrayal, one that didn't understand, one with a shattered heart. A hand tried to reach for him. "Why?"

The word became a knife that tore into his side, and the pain swallowed him up like a monster that slaughters its prey without mercy.

It was dark. That was the first thing he noticed.

And then it went red, and it was wrong, wrong, wrong.

And then tendrils rose up out of the fire blazing before him, and wrapped around him tighter, tighter, tighter.

He saw nothing, spinning around with no end. But then it did. And he looked up from murky waters.

A violet moon, a dying star, a blown out candle, a dead child.

And then he was screaming, screaming, screaming. The sound circling, circling, circling around in his head, becoming unbearable, and he was screaming, screaming, screaming.

Lavi woke up screaming, his throat parched and his green eye wide open.

_It's just a dream, just a dream. It's not real, real, real. No! It's not real._ He sat up and rubbed his face with hands, looking around the room. Bookman slept fitfully, an occasional snore once in a while. He closed his eyes but opened them right back up as pieces of his nightmare came crashing back on him. _It's okay_, he mentally told himself trying to calm his racing heart.

_Why are you here? _Lavi jerked around as the voice from his nightmare came to haunt him once again.

"It's just in my head, it's just in my head." Lavi said quietly, trying to calm down. Yet the question plagued his mind like chant being sung over and over. "I give up," Lavi grumbled as he threw off the covers, pulled a shirt and socks on and stumbled out of the room. He walked down the hallway, passing his fellow exorcist rooms along the way. The silence was only broken by the soft sound of Lavi's padded feet, or the occasional creak from the tower. Lavi shivered as he entered the Courtyard, the frigid winter wind biting at him, yet helping him to forget the images from nightmare. He breathed in deep, relishing the cold air, and gazed up at the night sky. The stars twinkled back down at him, the crescent moon illuminating the sky.

"_They're like diamonds,"_ he remembered Lenalee saying one day. _"Just like friends. Even when you can't see them, you know they're there."_

Friends. He grimaced. _"Do not be drawn into this war. Forget your duty, Lavi." _He sighed and shoved his hands into his pant pockets. It wasn't the first time he'd had conflicting emotions or nightmares and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Bookmen don't take sides. They don't have friends. And yet…

"_Come on Lavi!" Allen grinned, and extended his hand out to Lavi, "they're selling fresh dangos over there!"_

"_Food! You found it!" Lavi exclaimed, "Thank you!"_

_Allen laughed. "What are friends for?"_

Lavi couldn't help but give a sad smile at Allen's response. Allen, Lenalee…even Kanda.

"_Che, next time I won't save your sorry butt, baka Moyashi," _Was Kanda's usual remark when he saved Lavi from an Akuma, or other life threatening situations. Yet Lavi knew he could always count on him to have his back.

"Oi, Usagi."

_Wow_, Lavi mused, _that really did sound like Kanda._

"Usagi!"

"Ahhh!" Lavi yelped and jumped three feet into the air. He whirled around to see Kanda Yuu, wearing loose fitting clothes despite the cold air, his hair pulled up into his usual ponytail. His right hand held Mugen, and how long he hand been standing there, Lavi didn't know.

"Ah, Kanda," Lavi said once he recovered from his shock, "what're you doing out here?"

Kanda just shrugged, and Lavi had a sneaky suspicion that he had come out for the same reason he had. He returned his gaze to the stars.

"Can't sleep?" Kanda just gave a small 'hnm' and followed Lavi's gaze. The two stood like that for a while, the silence only broken by the howling of wind. Lavi wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he figured it had been around half an hour. He breathed in deep, feeling the cold wind fill his chest and refreshing his mind, letting the memory of his nightmare fall away.

"You know Usagi," Kanda spoke up. Lavi took his eyes away from the stars and crescent moon and turned them to Kanda. "If you fall asleep tomorrow during our mission I'll be the one to kill you." Lavi couldn't help be grin.

"Thanks Yuu-chan."

"Get some sleep. You'll need it." Kanda turned around and left, leaving Lavi once again alone with the stars.

_They're like diamonds. Just like friends_. Lavi smiled up at the stars one last time, turned and walked back inside.

The next day…

"Oi! Usagi! Wake up already!"


End file.
